Sunday, August 12, 2012

The search.

I am the daughter of a painter and of a writer. The granddaughter of a painter, and of a writer.
I grew up in a house where words and images were common currency, where Edward Gorey, Egon Schiele, Bob Dylan and  Guillaume Appolinaire were so familiar, they felt like uncles. 
As a kid,for my birthday, Christmas and Hannukah, I was given books and pencils, and so naturally, drawing and writing is what I did. I went to art school, and I eventually became an illustrator and a fashion designer.
Like the son of the butcher, who inherits his parent's shop, I continued in my parents foot steps, and practiced the family trade. 
It could have been worse, I mean, they could have been butchers.
When  my mother passed away last year, my world crumbled like a sand castle. I lost my true north, my compass, and literally could not find my way. I had to question everything, and with that, I stopped drawing.
I was also 8 months pregnant at the time, and chose to start my maternity leave early. I live in Canada where we have the luxury of a full year mat leave, and so with this paid sabbatical began my journey to find myself.
Who was I if not my mother's daughter? Did I actually like drawing? What was my purpose? What was my voice?  How was I going to leave a mark down here?
I was taught that everyone has something to say, that everyone is, in essence creative. This I know is true.
I am creative.
But was the solitary, sometimes reclusive life of the illustrator really for me?Maybe? Not so much...
Was I contemplative and observant like the writer? Eh....
I embarked on a mission to find my medium.
Let me clarify one thing, though. This was not necessarily a professional questioning. I am lucky to have a set of skills that can bring me money, so I can free lance and fall back to design anytime.
Like a real explorer on a map-less adventure, I was ready for surprises, hardships and self discovery.In an effort to be open to the unfolding ahead, I decided to try my hand at as many things as possible, and give myself the time to do so.
Coincidentally, I met a life coach ( like that, poof, she appeared at the mall) who agreed to take me on as a client, pro bono. Surely, she is going to help me map and track my search, and help in the exploring.
Learning and beginning are to me the most exciting parts of any projects. Inception, ideas, brain storming are where it's at.
At this moment, I started doing the following: writing and illustrating children's stories, writing a script for a rom com, being a ghost writer on a blog, podcasting, painting, taking photos, writing lyrics for a composer friend of mine, a parenting blog, and a style blog.
I decided to be like the YES man, just embracing any and everything that comes my way.
And then this dawned on me: I dont have to confine myself to one discipline, I dont have to "just" be an illustrator. I don't have to chose! Who said I had to chose?! Why did I think I had to chose?!
Is it because the term "renaissance man" sound so glorious, magnanimous, conceited and obnoxious?!
"Hi, my name is Sarah, I am a Renaissance Woman" ( I would have to carry a barf bag along with me everywhere I went).( you mean like the fair? you joust? )
No. I don't need a title to define me.
Labels are so 1992.

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